I've been reading "The Secret" lately, and I am sure the Universe is going to provide it. I mean, that's what the book says. You need to think about it, visualize it, feel it in your mind, create the correct vibes and you will get it.
Me: "35cm Croc Birkin, please, Universe!"
Universe:"What is that?"
Me: "It's a bag. Hermes Birkin, how you can possibly not know? Named after the French actress Jane Birkin. I am sure you knew that."
Universe: "Not really. I don't have many people asking me for bags. They normally want money."
Me: "Oh well, yes, that too... but you know, there is a waiting list, or there was a waiting list... still, it's hard to get. I want a Birkin. Please, Universe?"
Universe: "Why? Give me a good reason for your Birkin and you shall have one."
Me: "Well, it's the most desirable bag in the world. I will look good carrying one. Everybody will envy me... Well, I guess that's all. I just want one. There are women that have hundreds... why can't I just have one. It will make me feel so much better. I will be happy."
Universe: "Ok, here is your bag."
OMG, the Secret really works. No wonder it got sold in so many copies... I wonder if it works every day. The bag appeared, in its orange box. The dust bag wasn't orange... I wonder why. It was a beauty. It was just like in my dreams.
Me: "Hello?"
Birkin: "Bonjour... Comment ca va?"
Me: "I don't speak French..."
Birkin: "Of course you don't. Do you have other Croc Birkins to keep me company? I don't want to hang out with a Kelly."
Me: "No, I am sorry."
Birkin: "Am I your first Croc? Mais, quelle joie!!"
Me: "I don't..."
Birkin: "Yes, you don't understand. Tres bien, I will hang out with leather Birkin then. Even I don't like to do this. But I need company."
Me: "I am sorry, I don't have other Birkins. Or Kellys... Or any other Hermes anything..."
Birkin: "Je ne comprend pas... Je suis... seule?? Alone??"~ She starts crying.
Me: "I have a Hermes perfume. Would that work for you? And a Louis Vuitton wallet..."
Birkin: "No, no no. Don't pronounce the LV name, I hate them! Logos everywhere, look at me, look at me!!~mocking the Louis Vuitton~ look at me, I am a LV. Me, Birkin, I have a waiting list, you know. 6 years at a certain moment in time. Don't mention LV again, or I will have a heart attack!"
Me: "I am sorry".
Birkin: "I don't know why the Universe sent me to you."
Me: “I didn't know you are so... temperamental. I just wanted a Birkin bag."
Birkin: "Where do you live? Where am I?"
Me: "Los Angeles."
Birkin: "Victoria Beckham lives here also. She has so many Crocs. I demand you send me to her, immediately. I won't stay here, in a house with a LV wallet and a Hermes perfume. I need to be surrounded by luxury... I am not comfortable otherwise; I will die before my time. Please. Please!" she starts crying again.
Me: "Ok, ok, stop crying. I don't want to keep you hostage. I will send you to Victoria Beckham. But there will be so many of you there, you won't be special. Don't you care about that?"
Birkin: “No! Not at all. "
And yes, how about the Crocodile? I didn't know Hermes is breeding their own crocodiles to produce these bags, when I asked the Universe for one. How does it feel, to live in captivity for the sole purpose of becoming a Hermes bag at the end of your life? I know that carrying a Croc Hermes makes you a superior human being, and when you are so rich tp pay $30,000 for a bag I am sure you are giving enough to charity and make enough good deeds to have a good Karma for your next life when. who knows, you or Victoria Beckham might come back as a crocodile that was born on an Hermes farm.
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